The skill interactions taught me that books could not replace

June 25, 2025

Hi Kanna (Dear one),

Sometimes I wonder: What if someone had gently whispered to me at a young age — “Books will teach you a lot, but people will teach you more.”

Would I have approached life differently?

This letter isn’t meant to undo the past — I value every part of it. But I do wish I had understood earlier that the most important lessons are not found on pages, but in the spaces between people — in a glance, a conversation, a misunderstanding, a helping hand, or even silence.

So here I am, putting into words something I never learned in school, never fully understood from stories, but discovered through living — slowly, sometimes painfully, but deeply.

Seeds of Both Worlds

Although by experience I had mostly introvert tendencies till age 10 — there were also seeds of extrovertism as part of my family was very social.

A couple of elders, for fear that I may be harmed, wanted to keep me by their side all the time. But fortunately, being the first grandson in the family and being with so many people — relatives who handled me till age 3 — left seeds that could grow later after age 10.

Ages 3 to 10 were dominated by introvert tendencies — lots of books, story books, school books — and I was always dreaming with books. That built a solid literary foundation but left some filters through which I saw the world that required undoing.

Life Kept Breaking Open the Shell

And every life phase actually pushed me to interact with people.

Every school change — although I dreaded it — opened up a new world. Going from a village school to a town school and then to a city school and then to a city college and then to the most happening city in India, Mumbai, to work — each stage demanded growth. I had to talk to people who spoke a different language than mine, and I had to learn that language. Then came the biggest shift — landing in New York.

So every step of the way — that new experience and the need to interact with people — created challenge and opportunity both.

But because I was not experienced — in other words, because my early life and my early introvert-leaning life were shaped more by what I believed about people and what I had learned about people only through stories and movies — those impressions occupied a lot of my headspace.

That’s how I related with people. And that required a certain separation, a certain undoing. That is why I believe early on, learning how to interact helps a lot. And how do we know how? Just by doing.

The People Who Lit the Path

So many friends and teachers identified what I had in me and pushed the envelope.

• In fifth grade, a teacher put me in the middle of the stage as the main character after she watched how I performed as a side character.

• A Tamil teacher found that I have the unique gift of poetry and taught me how to write — to change essays into poetry using grammar and freestyle.

• A friend introduced me to meditation.

• A friend in college helped me overcome my shyness in talking to girls.

• Saints I met in my twenties quietly shifted my inner compass.

• And countless well-wishers, colleagues, and friends enabled me to dive deep into human relationships and do well in striking a conversation and holding it — especially since I entered the U.S. when I was 25.

We Learn to Relate — Not Just to Know

Just knowing facts and opinions from the internet does not give us the experience to hold a conversation with a person.

Ultimately, even on the internet, you experience the product of people.

In a sense, our entire human experience is based on relationships that we can create — with people, objects, animals, everything.

A relationship is not a static thing — it’s dynamic, ever-changing throughout our lives. We relate — and perhaps relating is the better word, because relationship can make it seem like a fixed state.

The Complicated Side of Connection

There are people we need to let go of —

not because they are bad, but because they do bad things.

And then there are those who genuinely believe they are helping us, while quietly — even unknowingly — undermining us. This is a difficult personality to grasp and even harder to deal with.

But over time, and with a careful, aware — not stiffly self-protective, but genuinely aware — mind, we begin to spot them. And when we do, we simply let them sing their song alone — or with anyone else who chooses to listen.

These are often people who shy away from putting their own work into the world.

They convince themselves — and others — that it’s just not for them.

But somewhere deep inside, they’ve buried a longing so thoroughly that it resurfaces as cynicism disguised as feedback — often by subtly undermining others’ efforts.

And the truth is: they’re not even aware they’re doing harm — to you, or to themselves.

Then there are the outright opponents — the ones who call you names.

In a strange way, they’re easier to deal with — their intent is plain to see.

And yes, there are willfully cunning people who work against you in calculated ways.

They’re difficult to face too — but with clarity and time, you will.

No harm wished for any of them. No headspace given either.

We just move on.

But There’s Light Too

Amongst all these, you will also find people who love you for who you are and who want to journey with you.

They work equally — or more. They share the little they earn. They are grateful for what you bring.

To find such a set of people also takes experience — to weed out what is not suitable and to keep what is.

All this requires coming forward gradually — learning to interact, learning from interactions, holding on to some for life, and releasing others forever.

This is the ultimate need of the hour skill for anyone in the world — irrespective of age, caste, creed, and whatnot.

If You Learn It Young

And when you learn it young, and keep learning, you will make your life a beautiful garden.

And around you, there will be a lot of peace and joy.

Even the ones who knowingly or unknowingly harm you will remember you — through love or hate.

But in that very remembrance, they recall an ideal — their own, long buried — and hopefully, that memory will serve them in this life or beyond. May they change for their own sake, and may they do well in life.

To My Younger Self — And Today’s Sons and Daughters

I suppose I’d like to call this a letter to my younger self.

But more than that, it’s for all the sons and daughters of today’s world.

Learn to relate. Keep learning.

It’s the skill life will keep testing you on — and the one that makes life worth it.

With affection,

Citizen KK